영어 첨삭 좀 부탁드립니다!
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Twenties: The Days of Wine and Roses
If you asked to me “What’s the important event in your life?”, I would say “When I went to Kyeongju and Busan with my friends in 2011 is an important event in my life.” At that time, I was a 20-year-old. The trip was a first experience after graduating high school. We spent two nights and three days, first day was in Kyeongju, second day was in Busan. We enjoyed for a long time at quite suburbs of Kyeongju, and the sky was changing from a sky blue to a black. It was too late night and we could not use public transportation. So we hitchhiked to Kyeongju downtown area. It was so exciting! I didn’t believe all this all could be happening to me, but it came true. We went to Busan on the second day. The most popular place in Busan is Haeundae beach, so we looked around the winter sea. Although the weather was so cold, the beautiful night scenery of Haeundae delighted my eyes. In the beach, we burned fires in sand trap and wished on a star. “I hope to have a close friendship, and I’ll succeed before marriage!” Now, maybe you have a question. “Why is the important event in your life?” I said, “Because I was as pure as the driven snow at twenties.” When I was 20 years old, all of things were so perfectly plain and simple. Now all of things are became very complicated. My age is not much, but I often miss genuine feelings of twenties.
어법적으로 어색한 부분 첨삭 좀 해주세요!
Twenties: The Days of Wine and Roses
If you asked to me “What’s the important event in your life?”, I would say “When I went to Kyeongju and Busan with my friends in 2011 is an important event in my life.” At that time, I was a 20-year-old. The trip was a first experience after graduating high school. We spent two nights and three days, first day was in Kyeongju, second day was in Busan. We enjoyed for a long time at quite suburbs of Kyeongju, and the sky was changing from a sky blue to a black. It was too late night and we could not use public transportation. So we hitchhiked to Kyeongju downtown area. It was so exciting! I didn’t believe all this all could be happening to me, but it came true. We went to Busan on the second day. The most popular place in Busan is Haeundae beach, so we looked around the winter sea. Although the weather was so cold, the beautiful night scenery of Haeundae delighted my eyes. In the beach, we burned fires in sand trap and wished on a star. “I hope to have a close friendship, and I’ll succeed before marriage!” Now, maybe you have a question. “Why is the important event in your life?” I said, “Because I was as pure as the driven snow at twenties.” When I was 20 years old, all of things were so perfectly plain and simple. Now all of things are became very complicated. My age is not much, but I often miss genuine feelings of twenties.
어법적으로 어색한 부분 첨삭 좀 해주세요!
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