IELTS writing task2 첨삭 내공많
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게시물 수정 , 삭제는 로그인 필요
주제= the most effective way to make crime rates go down is by giving the police more power. 동의하냐 안 하냐
These days many people commit crimes. Some people insist that the most best way to decrese the crime rates is to give more power to police. This essay will discuss the reasons why 2 agree to the opinion.
First of all, children will be scared committing crime due to the police power, nowadays, teenagers have make a various crime but they do not get feared because they know police cannot shoot a gun to them and police have no power unless just advising them. However, when police have more power, for example, shooting a gun to teenagers for reasonable reasons or making an arrest, teenagers should not look down on the police. Therefore, the crime rates which teenagers commit will be reduced.
Second of all, police may get responsibility. When police have a duty for declining the rates of crime and given more power by government, the police would act move justly. According to the survey by Korean psychologist, the survey showed more than 72% of police said that if they have more power, they feel all the society's eyes are watching on them, so they feel that they must achieve the mission which is the falling the crime rates.
To sum up, I agree that the most effective way to make crime rates go down is by giving the police more power because teenagers will be scared of making a crime and police may get responsibility.
이렇게 쓴다면 몇 점 정도 나올까요. 그리고 목표 점수는 7점 정도되는데 어떻게 더 개선해볼까요
These days many people commit crimes. Some people insist that the most best way to decrese the crime rates is to give more power to police. This essay will discuss the reasons why 2 agree to the opinion.
First of all, children will be scared committing crime due to the police power, nowadays, teenagers have make a various crime but they do not get feared because they know police cannot shoot a gun to them and police have no power unless just advising them. However, when police have more power, for example, shooting a gun to teenagers for reasonable reasons or making an arrest, teenagers should not look down on the police. Therefore, the crime rates which teenagers commit will be reduced.
Second of all, police may get responsibility. When police have a duty for declining the rates of crime and given more power by government, the police would act move justly. According to the survey by Korean psychologist, the survey showed more than 72% of police said that if they have more power, they feel all the society's eyes are watching on them, so they feel that they must achieve the mission which is the falling the crime rates.
To sum up, I agree that the most effective way to make crime rates go down is by giving the police more power because teenagers will be scared of making a crime and police may get responsibility.
이렇게 쓴다면 몇 점 정도 나올까요. 그리고 목표 점수는 7점 정도되는데 어떻게 더 개선해볼까요
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