아이엘츠 IELTS writing 첨삭 부탁드립니다

아이엘츠 IELTS writing 첨삭 부탁드립니다

작성일 2020.02.18댓글 1건
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The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.



Task 1
 The bar graph illustrates how many trips were made by kids in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to school and vice versa using various sorts of transport.
 The number of kids travel on foot as long as walking and taking a bus at the same time were dropped almost a half way in 2010 compared to 1990. Cycling shows the most drop as 1/3. On the other hand, not many kids rode a car in 1990 which significantly increased later in 2010.
 In 1990, walking was the most popular methood used as many as over 12 millons times. Nextly, about 6 millon kids took a bus and almost same amount of travel was made by walking and taking a bus at the same time.
 In 2010, about 11 million kids was driven by a car and others either walked or took a bus. Only a few ratio of kids travlled by cycling or walking and taking bus at the same time.



Write about the following topic:
The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Task 2
 We are living in the busiest, fastest world like never before. People tend to forget about taking care about themselves on busy days. However, we would not have to worry about this anymore. There are A.I.s repidly developed in many industries and it would likely to replace the most of jobs that human spends all our lives. As we have more free times, I expect more time for resting and less stress we have been getting from out jobs.
 After the Wold War 2 (WW2), food were starting to mass produced to feed starving people. Things like white bread and ham were cheaply made, yet it was enough to feed themselves. Nowadays, those food helped us survive have been a problem for public health. However, it seems getting better as some countries are considering 'sugar tax' on manufactured food which could help reducing the amount of sugar we consume. Also a growing number of people are willing to pay more for organic food.
 People today live longer with better health than the past. I think we have a bright future and the public health will get better.

6.0~6.5 목표 하고 있습니다. 시간이 부족해서 다 못썼네요.. 내공 1000 걸었으니 학원 광고, 프로그램으로 체크만 해서 답변 단 글 등 모두 신고합니다.
아이엘츠 첨삭 하시는 분만 답변 부탁드립니다.




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We are living in the busiest, fastest world like never before. People tend to forget about taking care about themselves on busy days. However, we would not have to worry about this anymore. There are A.I.s repidly developed in many industries and it would likely to replace the most of jobs that human spends all our lives. As we have more free times, I expect more time for resting and less stress we have been getting from out jobs.

After the Wold War 2 (WW2), food were starting to mass produced to feed starving people. Things like white bread and ham were cheaply made, yet it was enough to feed themselves. Nowadays, those food -> THE FOOD helped us survive have -> HAS been a problem for THE public health. However, it seems getting better as some countries are considering 'sugar tax' on manufactured food which could help reducing the amount of sugar we consume. Also a growing number of people are willing to pay more MONEY for organic food.

People today live longer with better health than the past. I think we have a bright future and the public health will get better.

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