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Save Your Tears
My mother died on October 18, 2014, a date I’m always forgetting.
I don’t know why exactly, if it’s because I don’t want to remember or if the actual date seems so unimportant in the grand scheme fo what we endured.
She was fifty-six years old. I was twenty-five, an age my mother assured me for years would be special.
It was the same age my mother had been when she met my father.
The year they got married, the year she left her home country, her mother, and two sisters and embarked on a pivotal chapter of her adult life.
The year she began the family that would come to define her.
For me, it was the year things were supposed to fall into place.
It was the year her life ended and mine fell apart.
Sometimes I feel guilty about misremembering when it happened.
Every fall I have to scroll through the photos I’ve taken of her gravestone to reconfirm the date engraved.
My father is obsessed with dates.
Some sort of internal clock whirs without fail around every impending birthday, death day, anniversary and holiday.
Save Your Tears
My mother died on October 18, 2014, a date I’m always forgetting.
I don’t know why exactly, if it’s because I don’t want to remember or if the actual date seems so unimportant in the grand scheme fo what we endured.
She was fifty-six years old. I was twenty-five, an age my mother assured me for years would be special.
It was the same age my mother had been when she met my father.
The year they got married, the year she left her home country, her mother, and two sisters and embarked on a pivotal chapter of her adult life.
The year she began the family that would come to define her.
For me, it was the year things were supposed to fall into place.
It was the year her life ended and mine fell apart.
Sometimes I feel guilty about misremembering when it happened.
Every fall I have to scroll through the photos I’ve taken of her gravestone to reconfirm the date engraved.
My father is obsessed with dates.
Some sort of internal clock whirs without fail around every impending birthday, death day, anniversary and holiday.
