영어 문법이나 어색한하거나 보충해야할 부분 찾아주세요 추가 내용500

어색한 부분을 수정해보았습니다.

"The destructive impact of excessive fossil fuel consumption on our planet is undeniable." => "The undeniable destructive impact of excessive fossil fuel consumption on our planet."

"Hence, my aspiration is to contribute as a renewable energy developer, working towards the protection of our planet." => "Hence, my aspiration is to work as a renewable energy developer, contributing to the protection of our planet."

"Moreover, I am driven to assume a leadership role in addressing the pressing issue of energy depletion, which stands as one of the most critical challenges we face today." => "Moreover, I am driven to take on a leadership role in addressing the pressing issue of energy depletion, which is one of the most critical challenges we face today."

"Through focusing on on the development of innovative and sustainable energy solutions" => "By focusing on the development of innovative and sustainable energy solutions"

"Then, I aim to secure a position at a renowned research institute" => "Afterward, I aim to secure a position at a renowned research institute"

"Through renewable energy development, I aim to make a positive impact on our planet." => "Through the development of renewable energy, I aim to make a positive impact on our planet."

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수정하면 아래와 같습니다.

My dream is to become a renewable energy developer dedicated to protecting the Earth's environment. The undeniable destructive impact of excessive fossil fuel consumption on our planet has motivated me to contribute actively as a renewable energy developer, working toward its protection. Furthermore, I am determined to assume a leadership role in addressing the pressing issue of energy depletion, which is one of the most critical challenges we face today. By focusing on the development of innovative and sustainable energy solutions, I aim to transform this problem into an opportunity for creating an eco-friendly and sustainable future. To realize my aspirations, I plan to pursue graduate studies after completing my undergraduate degree to acquire any necessary knowledge that may be lacking from my undergraduate education. Afterward, I aim to secure a position at a renowned research institute where I can actively contribute to the development of new and renewable energy technologies. As U.N. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres aptly stated, "There can be no future without renewable energy." With this quote as my guiding principle, I am determined to work toward a sustainable future and make a positive impact on our planet through renewable energy development.

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영어 작문 능력이 대단합니다. 최고의 영어 작문 능력을 가지고 계시네요 . 이무쪼록 목표하신 대로 질문자 님의 꿈이 반드시 이루어질 것을 저는 굳게 믿으면서 몇가지 수정했습니다. 잘 읽어 보고 판단해 주세요 .

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1. My dream is to become a renewable energy developer dedicated to protecting the earth's environment.

2. The destructive impact of excessive fossil fuel consumption on our planet is undeniable.

3. I firmly believe that the development of new and renewable energy sources is the key to safeguarding the global environment.

★ firmly 확고하개

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4. Hence, my aspiration is to contribute as a renewable energy developer, working towards the protection of our planet.

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https://en.dict.naver.com/#/search?query=working%20towards&range=all 영어 사전 참조

★ work towards …을 목표로 나아가다.

★ work towards something (목표인) ~을 향해[달성하려고] 노력하다

★ I'm working towards a master's degree 지금 석사 과정을 밟는 중이다 (지금 석사과저을 공부하고 있는 중이다.)

★ work toward(s) …을 지향하여 노력하다

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5. Moreover, I am driven to assume a leadership role in addressing the pressing issue of energy depletion, which stands as one of the most critical challenges we face today.

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https://en.dict.naver.com/#/search?query=am%20driven%20to&range=all 영어 사전 참조

★When I sniff an opportunity, I am driven to check it out. 내가 기회를 엿 볼 때, 나는 그걸 확인하지 않을 수 없다.

★I am driven to wonder whether he ever asked why nobody told him. 나는 왜 아무도 그에게 말하지 않았는지 그가 예전에 물어 보았는 지 궁굼하지 않을 수 없다. (궁굼할 수 밖에 없다.)

★be driven (impelled) to + 현재 동사 -- 하지 않을 수 없다. --- 할 수 박에 없다.

★be driven to a precipice 벼랑에 몰리다; 벼랑에 서다

★be driven to a dead end 궁지[막다른 골목]에 몰리다

★ assume a leadership role 리더 역할을 맡다

★ address 1.주소; 2.해결하다; 3.연설하다; 4.이야기하다; 5.부르다

★ the pressing issue of energy depletion, 에너지 고갈의 긴급한 문제

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6. Through focusing on ( 전치사 on 중복 ) the development of innovative and sustainable energy solutions, I aim to transform ( this problem ) into an opportunity for creating an eco-friendly and sustainable future.

------------------------ ⇘ 수정

Through focusing on (중복 전치사 on 제거) the development for solutions of innovative and sustainable energy issues , I aim to transform (these issues) into an opportunity for creating an eco-friendly and sustainable future.

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7. To realize my aspirations, I plan to pursue graduate studies after completing my undergraduate degree, seeking to acquire the necessary knowledge that may be lacking in my undergraduate education.

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8. Then, I aim to secure a position at a renowned research institute, where I can actively contribute to the development of new and renewable energy technologies.

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9. As U.N. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres aptly stated, "There can be no future without renewable energy."

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10. With this quote as my guiding principle, I am determined to work towards a sustainable future.

https://en.dict.naver.com/#/search?query=am%20determined&range=all 영어 사전 참조

★ I am determined to do it at any cost. 나는 어떤 희생을 치르더라도 그것을 해낼 생각이다

★ I am determined to accomplish it at all costs. 어떤 짓을 해서라도 그것은 이룰 결심이다

★ I am determined not to see him again. 나는 두 번 다시 그를 만나지 않기로 결심했다

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11. Through renewable energy development, I aim to make a positive impact on our planet.

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2023년 6월 18일 오후 5 : 15

mytr****