영어 영작 첨삭 좀 도와주세요ㅠ내공 100

솔직히 너무길어서 대충 흙고 보이는것만 고치겠습니다.

 

The high school is a very important and valuable part of our life.

Many people say that they feel happiness when they think back to their high school life. I didn't graduate high school yet, but thinking back to when I was in middle school, I feel both sadness and happiness in my mind. It is maybe because of my memories with my friends and classes. I feel many differences here and learn many things that I could not in my home country. Korean high schools and American high schools are very different. First of all, the curriculums are different. And the motivations to study and view of their grades and colleges are also different. I will show my Korea and this Show low high school the reality of now that I am here, in America. And I will tell also how I have got to come to America.

무슨말인지 해석불가.

한국에서 미국 실제 고등학교 생활이 어떤지를 말하고 미국에 어떻게 왜 왔지를 말하겠다 를 말할려고 하시면거면

I am going to describe what the high school life in the U.S is like when I go back to Korea. But now, I am going to present how and why I came to the U.S to study.

 

 Before show my story, I’ll tell some of the basic stories about my high school in South Korea . First of all, the school systems are very different. For Korean high school students, they remain in their homeroom and wait for their teachers to come in between the classes. The first day of the year, we are assigned to the class and study together for the whole year with our classmates. We can’t change the class and classmates. I prefer this system to American system becasue in the U.S, they have to move around the classrooms between the classes, but in South Korea, we do not have to move and it allows more time for us to study together. Also, we have to wear the uniform and earring, necklace, dying hair, getting a perm are prohibited. In addition, American literature lectures are based on "why" in comparison to Korean lecture where the students are busy memorizing just the facts provided by teachers. The high school education system greatly affects the quality of students when they advance to university.

        

고칠게 너무많아서 전부다 고치기는 힘들거 같습니다. 이것도 대충 보고 고친건데 일단 중요한 부분 1. 에세이를 쓸대는 I, We, my, us 같은 first person 을 쓰지 않습니다. 예외적으로 자기에 관련된 에세이를 쓸때는 쓸수있습니다. 이게 어떤 에세이 인지 정확히 저는 모르기 때문에 써라 쓰지마라 할순없지만 formal essay 에는 I we my us 같은 first person 을 쓰지않습니다.

 

 

 Now, I’ll show my story. This is connected the reason why I thought about the exchange student. When I graduated the middle school, I thought that there is no big difference between the middle school and high school. But it didn’t take long to realize the reality. The problem is competition. Of course, the competition was also existed in my middle school. It’s always hard to find an empty seat at the library during the exam period. I had to study over night during examination, and we had to go many academies for prerequisite learning (curriculum acceleration). These were same, but the high school was different. Although I knew that I have to remain school till 9’o clock ( In real, Korea high school is starts at 8, and finishes at 9), other things including this give me so much stress. After the school, I had to go to the academy, and usually go to sleep at 1 a.m. And I also had to go to academy on weekend and holiday. But the best thing that makes me depress at the high school was the competition with other friends. We had to study to win each other and enter a more good college than others. We could be good friends, but about getting a good grade, we were very sensitive because the college class is decided with the final grade of our exam. Of course, I couldn’t get a good grade than my middle school grade because I studied just for winning the others. The vicious circle about the stress of study was continued, and I just wanted to escape from this stress. I didn’t feel confident about I can do well. I’m just tired to study for the competition. I miss a question which I knew the answer every time when I took a test. And especially, I felt big pressure about the math that cost much money to the private education expenses. This is why I thought about the exchange student to America. My sister also went to America as an exchange student, so it is not hard to persuade my mom. At the first time she said I have to adjust at the high school like other students, but understood me later.

        

 

 Like my occasion, many students in Korea are forced to study just for the good college. We can see many results that come from this problem. One of them is suicide rate. Korea teenage suicide rate is increasing every year. In fact, Korea has been ranked at the top for suicide rated for eight consecutive years in OECD member states. I think this is related to the school and social consciousness. The students learn that they have to win for getting a good college and job at the school, and if they lose the competition with others, they feel they are loser of the society. Another result we can see is school violence problem. Few years ago, the school violence problems were very issued in Korea. Most of the situation has a same pattern. Some of the students bullied one student by using the smart phone and beating that student badly, and that student suicide or sometimes was died by other students. As the school violence was issued, we listened the lecture about how to prevent school violence at the school and the government strengthens the punishment.

I think all of these are start at wrong method of education. Wrong methods of education make student exhausted and decrease the interesting about study. Students think study just as a way to enter the college and good grade. Now, living here as an American high school student escape from competition, I can think and learn many things.  

 

 

Even now, I feel very sorry for my parents. To come to America, we had to pay millions of dollars, and now I realize that how precious my family is. And because of my stress, I often was very grumpy to my family. Sometimes I miss my home, my family, friends, school meals and school. Last calling with my mom, she said her tears flowed when she saw the students who are wearing my school uniform. As I come here, I even miss my school uniform. My host family is very nice and kind family, but it seems there is no way to feel lonely sometimes. I can’t complain even though I don’t like it, and I can’t get angry even if I am upset. This year is very special year for me. This kind of opportunity is not for anyone. I want to make this year as a best year of my teenage years. And I have also homework that go back to my own high school. I worried that I can adapt myself there all right but I want to think only right now and do my best in here. Even though it’s hard to make friends, understand English, follow the class, talk with people, I hope I can endure well.  I am thankful for my family, friends and having many opportunities.