영어 에세이 보완할 점을 알려주세요.

영어 에세이 보완할 점을 알려주세요.

작성일 2024.04.19댓글 1건
    게시물 수정 , 삭제는 로그인 필요

안녕하세요. 제가 아침마다 비몽사몽일 때 영어로 에세이를 쓰는 습관이 있는데 이번건 좀 완벽하게 하고 싶다 해서 퍼스트 드래프트(초안)이지만 조금이라도 정성을 들여 타이핑을 했습니다. 보완할 점이 있으면 있는대로 알려주시면 정말로 감사하겠습니다!

Reason Associated with the Necessity of Shelling out a Fortune for Space Development

 

As of this writing, the significance of space development has been of great importance that we cannot afford to ignore by any manner of means in all ages, and even multiplying as time goes by, on top of that, it is within bounds to say that the level of space development is deemed to be the very threshold determining whether the country is either well-developed or still developing. Mankind nonetheless has begun to reduce the budgets for trailblazing the universe where humanity has yet to reach and build on the technologies for developing the space, in particular, the space relatively close to the earth, that is. If you not only have lived more than 30 years, but also either spent quite a lot of time studying the scientific history of mankind or specialized in such fields like astronomy, you may have noticed that space race entailed from rivalry stemmed from the post war era has been dying out ever since the Soviet Union had been dissolved, handing over victory to the United States of America, and it has turned out it was never a good decision.

The Cold War era where the United States and the Soviet Union had fought against one another in a torrential way. It as a matter of fact has given rise to both favorable and unfavorable outcomes of which plenty of people are very proud and skeptical respectively, owing to that the experiments and researches for finding out the way how humans were followed by some sacrifices of a living creature, which is Laika the space dog that was sent to the near space for the first time, within a space capsule with no device to return to the surface of the earth. Such is extremely tragic, yet as to the all the later experiments, none of the animal has been sacrificed since Laika’s great expedition to the outer space, and in turn, humanity has reached the summit of the space technologies and development way back in the late 60s, when the legendary astronauts including Neil Armstrong had made landfall upon the surface of the moon.

Academia allegedly says other multiple humans made it to the moon and returned from over there as well as the very first astronauts who went to the moon, yet after the several expeditions to the moon, never has mankind paid a visit to the moon ever again, and sure enough, a number of scientists specialized in the same fields contends that slowed down the “momentum” of space development, and they in addition to that, state the space technologies could have been much evolved by now.

The very reason why we ought to shell out a good amount of budgets and be dedicated to the fields is on the basis is that all mankind could be relatively, or rather infinitely set free from the limits of usage of substances existing all across this planet. Mankind is “a big fish in a small pond” at this moment of time, notwithstanding, so long as they find out a way to harness rare earth elements or substances from other planets aside from the earth, that is. Because rare earth elements are not as rare as its name is called, yet there are only few countries that extract these elements from under the ground, of which China is one. This simply and purely means that they can rule the entire of the world along with their rare resources, and once running out of the rare sources, all of the other countries would lose its initiatives to China.

In the second place, in spite of fact that people nowadays do know what’s in the near space, the space itself is still unfamiliar to mankind. So the outer space itself gives fascinating insight into new life of human beings, and it speaks well for foster patriotism and nurturing quite a few new generations of space aeronautics and astronomy, making a stride on a cosmic scale, thereby getting one step or multiple steps closer to the ultimate goal of mankind.

All in all, we have gone over a topic laying the importance of space development. Seldom people have realized the significance of space development, yet it retains potentials to lead a country to grasping the initiative out of the whole world.  


#영어 에세이 #영어 에세이 예시 #영어 에세이 쓰는법 #영어 에세이 주제 #영어 에세이 형식 #영어 에세이 사이트 #영어 에세이 hook 예시 #영어 에세이 구조 #영어 에세이 표현 #영어 에세이 들여쓰기

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Overall, your essay presents some interesting points about the importance of space development but could benefit from some improvements in clarity, structure, and language. Here are some suggestions:

1. **Clarity and Structure**:

- **Introduction**: Clarify the thesis statement and key points you will discuss. For instance, state clearly why spending on space development is crucial and how it impacts the progress of nations.

- **Body Paragraphs**: Organize your thoughts into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect (e.g., historical context, technological advancements, economic implications, and future potential of space exploration).

- **Conclusion**: Summarize the main points and emphasize why space development is essential for the future of humanity.

2. **Language and Grammar**:

- **Simplify Language**: Use simpler language to improve readability. Avoid complex phrases and convoluted sentences that may confuse the reader.

- **Grammar Check**: Review grammar and punctuation. Ensure verb tenses are consistent and sentences are structured properly.

3. **Specific Feedback**:

- **Thesis Statement**: Clearly state your main argument in the introduction.

- **Historical Context**: Provide a more concise and focused history of space exploration, highlighting key milestones and their significance.

- **Economic and Strategic Importance**: Develop these points further with specific examples and statistics.

- **Future Implications**: Discuss the potential benefits of continued investment in space development, such as resource exploration and scientific discovery.

4. **Engagement**:

- **Audience Awareness**: Consider who your audience is and tailor your language and examples accordingly.

- **Engaging Conclusion**: End with a compelling statement that reinforces the importance of space development and inspires further thought.

Here's a revised example of your essay's introduction:

---

**Revised Introduction**:

The necessity of investing in space development has never been more critical than it is today. Space exploration not only symbolizes the pursuit of scientific advancement but also represents a strategic frontier that can shape the future of nations. In this essay, I will delve into the reasons why allocating significant resources to space exploration is indispensable for both current and future generations.

First, let's acknowledge the historical context. The space race, born out of Cold War rivalries between the United States and the Soviet Union, yielded groundbreaking achievements such as the moon landing. However, since that era, enthusiasm and investment in space exploration have waned. This decline in momentum has had profound implications for technological progress and global competitiveness.

Moreover, the economic and strategic importance of space development cannot be overstated. Access to extraterrestrial resources, such as rare earth elements, could alleviate dependency on terrestrial reserves and ensure global economic stability. Failure to pursue these opportunities risks ceding strategic advantages to nations with advanced space capabilities, such as China.

In conclusion, the significance of space development extends far beyond scientific curiosity. It is a pathway to unlocking new frontiers, both economically and strategically, and is essential for ensuring that humanity continues to thrive and innovate in the decades to come.

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By refining the structure and language of your essay along these lines, you can effectively convey your arguments and engage your readers more effectively. Keep refining and practicing your writing—consistency is key to improvement. Good luck with your essay!

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