영어 첨삭부탁드려요!

게시물 수정 , 삭제는 로그인 필요

Hi, my name is ㅇㅇ.

I apply for business manager in (ㅇㅇ: company name) because my active participations in many education volunteer works attests to my determination to pursue career as a business manager in this company.

When i do this work, i need to have a punctual character and communication skills, and also, high level ability of MS office.

For that I’m very organized person. I like to know exactly what I’m going to do for the day and the week. So I outline my tasks and organize my work load. By doing so, I can organize my time and work better and it would be very helpful when i do managing schedules in the future

Also, as a volunteer for ㅇㅇ,  I was responsible for planning various social projects, performing that with other people. This experience taught me the importance of synergies and efficiency when collaborating with others and that made me learn how to communicate with people too.

These days, I’m studying Ms office, to get a high-level ability. It’ll be very helpful when I do working on the figure.

I’ll try my best to become a good business management.

아 그리고 학생들의 학습지도를 도와줬다.

i  helped students improving their study. 

이게 맞나요??